I breathe a sigh of.... relief, happiness, sadness, blessedness, nostalgia, etc. Mixed feelings. 2012 is over. As I get older, each year feels marked by higher highs and lower lows. That certainly rang true this past year. The bumps in the road felt bigger, yet when I wasn't hitting a bump, I was enjoying the hell out of life. 2012 consisted of a lot of really hard work: whirlwind college visits, SATs/ACTs, college applications, nannying, working at Banana Republic, IB, field hockey, etc.--all of these come along with this season of life. And yet, I still found a lot of time to play: my first prom, seeing Obama, going to three concerts, three plays, DC and Boston, going on three camping trips, countless picnics, beach trips, and spending some quality time with family and friends. 2012 wasn't perfect; in fact, it was a trying year and at times, I just had to tell myself, "you can do hard things." Much of this year, though, was very busy, very full of laughter and many happy memories were made. I can't remember if I made New Year's resolutions last year (I probably did and they probably went forgotten) but I have a few things this year that need working on. I'm optimistic and excited for the positive changes that will take place in 2013--the endings (like graduation), the beginnings (like starting college) and everything in between. I'm looking forward to more chaos, more laughter and more opportunities for growth.
1. Be honest. If there's one thing that I've learned in 2013, it's that I have a tendency to reject, deny or bottle my emotions. If I'm angry with someone, I'll passive aggressively tell them that nothing is wrong and then still act slightly pissed. If I'm angry with myself, I will feel guilty for feeling that way but never address why it is that I'm feeling that way or what I can do to feel better. I need to work on not only addressing my emotions, but being honest about them, with others and with myself.
2. Let go. At times, I'm uptight, anal and grudge-holding. I find myself wasting time worrying and feeling anxious about things that will not matter in one year, yet alone one week or even a day. I want to learn to forgive and forget. I want to let go of grudges and let go of the weight that they bear.
3. Be kinder to your mother. She's my mama...my one and only and she, more than anyone else, deserves my kindness. On a daily basis, she gives to me without expecting something in return, and it's about time I start doing the same.
4. Stop worrying about what other people think.
I think this resolution is simple yet daunting. I cannot love anyone or let anyone love me without loving myself first. I deserve my love! And loving myself involves not caring what people think of the clothes I wear, the car I drive, the size of my house, how clean my room is or whether my hair is straight or a wild mane. Without even realizing it, I truly care too much what people think of me and that will not carry me well through life. Worrying about that is a waste of time, energy and esteem.
5. Show your love. I really really really love the people in my life. My family, my friends, my neighbors, my teachers, my mentors, etc.--they all make such an impact on me. This year, I want to not only tell them I love them but I want to show it to them--with phone calls, texts, compliments, laughs, random acts of kindness. For all they do, they deserve every ounce of love I can give in return.
6. Get fit. See number 4. I want to love myself and I think getting fit will help with that. I'm at this point in my life where I will never have a sport like field hockey to look forward to to help me get in shape. No coach will be yelling at me to sprint faster. It is in my hands. My body--for the rest of eternity--is in my hands. I know I can do it, it's just a question of whether I will.
7. Make an effort to see your father more. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I no longer know my dad, like really know him. I can slip through the end of my senior year without fixing much and then head right to college, further pushing him out of my life. Or, I can stop right here and think of how much I need my father in my life and I can do something about that. I can call him each week to set up a night for dinner or meet him for coffee on a Saturday or SOMETHING. I just need to see him more and I'll go from there.
I'll work at these and if they don't work out, there's always 2014. Here's to a new year!
All images via Pinterest.
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