Thoughts on a Thursday Evening.

Tonight I feel raw. I feel broken and I feel vulnerable. I feel like life is passing by right before my eyes and I'm sprinting to catch up but I just can't run fast enough. So much is going on, so much is changing and I'm trying to adjust, trying to graciously accept each new day.

Today at my school we had our "Class Day" ceremony for the seniors. Awards were given by each department, the band played, the chorus sung and silly speeches were made. For the first time this year, we saw the seniors marching in their caps and gowns, their parents watching them proudly while the underclassmen (that's me!) sat on the bleachers, admiring their accomplishments and envisioning the day where they are recognized for making it through twelve years of schooling. It's hard enough to grasp the fact that this graduating class will not be with us next year. The current juniors will walk in the footsteps of the seniors while us sophomores excitedly become upperclassmen. The current freshmen will become sophomores and will worry about being the forgotten grade and the little, dear incoming freshmen will walk through the halls with fear as they turn a major page in the book of life.

Not only am I feeling anxious for finals, for finishing up this year so we can ease into summer but I also can't stop thinking about what my life will be like in two years. I will be one of those students dressed in a cap and gown, marching down that aisle while MY family comes to the realization that I will shortly be entering the "real world." It's a scary place, this real world. In just two short years, will I be ready to leave my parents? I will have been with them for eighteen years and then with just a simple snap of the fingers, I'll be gone. Of course I'll be home for holidays and such but I will not be living under this roof where I feel so safe and so loved. I assume the seniors who are graduating on Sunday are thinking these thoughts. And why am I thinking them when I still have two years to go, you ask? Simply because today when I heard a few seniors speak of how surreal all of this was and how fast it happened, I got concerned. What if I don't embrace these next two years, these last, precious years with my best friends, my family and my community? I know these years will be challenging, brain-wracking, heart-wrenching, life changing and oh so precious. I will run fast, I will run as fast as my legs will let me and I will catch up to life. I will reach the point where I am feeling in touch, secure and at peace with the new changes that life will throw at me over the course of the next two years.