Celebrating Life.

The last time I blogged was on March 10th, the day before what I thought would be Dasher's last day of life. We had the appointment made and of course, our sweet, resilient girl decided to perk up that day. There was no way we'd put her down if her tail was wagging. That weekend, her eyesight became more and more impaired to the point where there was a thick glaze over her eyes and we were sure that she couldn't see. Her hind legs became weaker and walking was a strenuous, difficult task for her. Her blood pressure was so high and she shook constantly. It was a painful, heart-wrenching time for us all. As painful as it was, she was definitely giving us signs that her body had endured enough.

On Monday the 14th, my mom called our vet and made the appointment for 5pm that day. I left school an hour or two early so I could spend some more time with my babe. It was really, really hard. I felt numb, broken and vulnerable. I buried my teary face in her silky fur as I told her how much I love her. Right before 5pm, Dasher trudged upstairs one last time. I followed her as she snuck into my room. One last rest on my bed, that's all she wanted. I willingly helped her up and I snuggled right up to her bony body. I looked straight into her eyes. For a few minutes, we lay there, just the two of us, silent. There was an overbearing sense of calm and so much love present.

5pm rolled around much too quickly. Our lovely vet, Louise arrived at our house right on time. It killed me to force Dasher down those stairs one more time but I feared associating my bed with her death so when she made it to the top of the stairs, I scooped her frail, bony body up into my arms and I carried her down to the living room. Louise sedated her and she slowly collapsed to the floor. With one hand stroking her long, soft ears, I read the poem below.

Native American Prayer

I give you this one thought to keep-

I am with you still-I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning's hush

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone-

I am with you still-in each new dawn.

Halfway through the poem, tears started streaming down my face again. The reality of what was happening started to overpower the numbness that had encompassed my body. We sat there for a few minutes, staring at her limp, sleeping body. Memories from the first day I laid eyes on her flashed through my mind. Her short eight years here on this earth were filled with so much love, joy and beauty and the thought of that got me through. It was the first time I had experienced death firsthand. I was amazed how one minute she was with us--breathing, staring deep into my soul--and the next, she was gone. But I guess that's just how death is.

Baby girl, my love for you is eternal. You were the sunshine on a cloudy day and I miss you like hell. I hope your sweet soul is eating endless amounts of treats and dindin, wherever it may be. Until we reconnect someday, remember that I love you. Love, Soph.