Life

I made it. I powered through finals and I finished my sophomore year. That was like...ten days ago, so clearly I have some updating to do. On my last school night, as I grappled with explaining why WWII led to the Cold War, and I stayed up until 3am doing so, I decided that I deserved something special--an end of the year gift, if you will. But I decided for it to feel as rewarding as possible, I needed to buy it for myself. I settled on a MacBook Pro. It was a spontaneous, impulsive purchase but something that will come in very handy as I approach my junior year.

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I missed blogging about Father's Day, so here are some very belated words. Happy Father's Day, Dad. I know things have been rough lately but I love you to death and I sincerely hope that our relationship is on the mend.

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I started watching Glee. In fact, I watched 11 episodes in three days (it was rainy, I swear). It's wicked funny and cute and has the best cast of characters. They are all so stereotypical and that's what I love about them. Matthew Morrison, who plays the role of the Glee Club advisor, is hot and so enjoyable to watch and Jane Lynch, who plays the cheerleading coach, is so sarcastic and has the most contemptuous humor. I'm not a huge fan of TV shows but I have been converted to a Glee fan!

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These are the days that I pined for all winter long. Summer is here and I am doing my best to savor each precious minute. I can't find many words today, which might have something to do with the fact that my brain has entered full-on summer mode. All I can say is that life is good, summer is treating me really well and I am happy and blessed. On that note, I leave you with some pictures of the start to a really great, two month long adventure: summer.

Thoughts on a Thursday Evening.

Tonight I feel raw. I feel broken and I feel vulnerable. I feel like life is passing by right before my eyes and I'm sprinting to catch up but I just can't run fast enough. So much is going on, so much is changing and I'm trying to adjust, trying to graciously accept each new day.

Today at my school we had our "Class Day" ceremony for the seniors. Awards were given by each department, the band played, the chorus sung and silly speeches were made. For the first time this year, we saw the seniors marching in their caps and gowns, their parents watching them proudly while the underclassmen (that's me!) sat on the bleachers, admiring their accomplishments and envisioning the day where they are recognized for making it through twelve years of schooling. It's hard enough to grasp the fact that this graduating class will not be with us next year. The current juniors will walk in the footsteps of the seniors while us sophomores excitedly become upperclassmen. The current freshmen will become sophomores and will worry about being the forgotten grade and the little, dear incoming freshmen will walk through the halls with fear as they turn a major page in the book of life.

Not only am I feeling anxious for finals, for finishing up this year so we can ease into summer but I also can't stop thinking about what my life will be like in two years. I will be one of those students dressed in a cap and gown, marching down that aisle while MY family comes to the realization that I will shortly be entering the "real world." It's a scary place, this real world. In just two short years, will I be ready to leave my parents? I will have been with them for eighteen years and then with just a simple snap of the fingers, I'll be gone. Of course I'll be home for holidays and such but I will not be living under this roof where I feel so safe and so loved. I assume the seniors who are graduating on Sunday are thinking these thoughts. And why am I thinking them when I still have two years to go, you ask? Simply because today when I heard a few seniors speak of how surreal all of this was and how fast it happened, I got concerned. What if I don't embrace these next two years, these last, precious years with my best friends, my family and my community? I know these years will be challenging, brain-wracking, heart-wrenching, life changing and oh so precious. I will run fast, I will run as fast as my legs will let me and I will catch up to life. I will reach the point where I am feeling in touch, secure and at peace with the new changes that life will throw at me over the course of the next two years.

One week.

Exactly one week ago, we brought our sweet pup home. It's been one CRAZY seven days but despite the lunacy of it all, it's been a really special time in my life. There have been tears, early mornings, rugs saturated with pee and some minor annoyances but there has also been an immense amount of love and happiness in the air. So, as a way for me to remember this time, I'm writing a letter. A letter to the little girl who has changed my life.

Dear Stellaluna,

First off, I'm sorry that we've changed your name so many times. I kno

w it must be confusing for you, but I promise you, we're set on Luna. You came into my life at such an opportune time; when I was hurting most and when I needed a furry friend to pull my mind away from the confusion of life. When Mama told me we were getting you, I screamed until I lost my voice. That's how excited I was.

We drove to New Hampshire, a week ago today, and we waited eagerly in a busy Wal-Mart parking lot. I watched as a truck with a huge gray trailer rounded the corner to where we were standing. My heart skipped a beat and an unexpected wave of emotion washed over me. I was nervous. Nothing felt certain; what if you were some aggressive serial killer doggy? Brushing that thought out of my mind, I grabbed our leash and ran over the truck. People were lined up but of course Mom didn't realize that. She was just too excited! We saw some of your siblings coming out and both of us ran to the man who was dealing with the pape

rwork. "Darci! We're here to pick up Darci!!," Mom exclaimed.

Before I knew it, there you were, cradled in the arms of the driver. He handed you over to me and my heart melted. A tear or two fell from eyes. You were (and still are!) so beautiful. I kissed you a million times and told you how I was already in love with you. You were perfectly still as I carried you over the small grassy patch near the parking lot. I lay on the grou

nd while you climbed all over me, licking my face, stepping on my stomach, tickling my ear and giving me some much needed and appreciated puppy love. In an instant, I fell even more in love and I knew that you were going to be a special gem. You slept for the entire ride home. We could tell you were something else!

We'd only been home for about five minutes before eight or nine of my friends showed up. We sat on the kitchen floor while you romped among us, giving a balanced amount of love to each person. You charmed us all! Whenever we're in crowds of people like that, I'm so happy to call you mine.

When we were preparing to come get you, I only thought of the good stuff that puppies bring. I forgot about the fact that you little critters love to eat and get into everything, pee on the floor and get up insanely early. I know this sounds silly but I expected you to fix everything; to take away all my pain and worries and to only bring happiness. I'll be honest, I had high expectations. And baby girl, don't get me wrong, I love you to death and you know that. But, when in the course of an hour, you shredded a picture of Dasher, peed on my rug, ate a piece of paper, and bit my ear, I was upset. I know you're a puppy and all but those little moments forced me to return to my grieving of Dasher which I had so conveniently placed on the back burner. For an instant, I felt like I loved her more. And I did love her more and it will always be that way. But let me tell you, I love you as much as my little heart will let me. With Dasher, she had my full heart. With you, you have 99.9% of it because Dasher still has that little .1%. And what was I thinking getting mad at you for little things like that? You're a puppy. Puppies do that. We're working on our gentle discipline and our training. You're doing really well. You can already sit and you come when we clap, just after one week.

Luna love, you bring us endless hours of joy. I love you more with each second and each kiss that you give me. Thank you for never peeing more than once in the house each day, for sleeping through the night, for being such a happy girl and for filling that large gap in my heart. You're my little savior and I love you to the moon and back. Never forget that.

Love,

Soph

Love

This is our babe. I already feel this immense amount of love radiating from my heart for her. I feel like an expectant mother, so excited and anxious to meet her little and so already in love. I am looking forward to snuggling and kissing this sweet ball of joy and to watching how much happiness she will bring into our home. Saturday will mark a special day in my life.

SO much excitement.

I'm really happy today. Like full grin for a few hours straight happy. We're getting a puppy. On Saturday. This decision was spontaneous and I definitely didn't expect it. Which is what makes it fun. Life is sooo good right now. Oh and we're getting an electric lawnmower tomorrow. I'm super excited for some reason.

Bliss

I woke up sandwiched between my two best friends to the sound of birds tweeting, a lawnmower mowing and a ray of sunshine blinding my eyes. After a dreary seven days of rain, I was in pure bliss.

I forgot to mention that when I woke up, I was still sleepy. So, I did what any person might do on a Saturday morning--I went right back to sleep. I was awoken at 11:30 by a phone call from a friend. I groggily made plans and after a few minutes of morning stretches and a some yawning, I hauled my body out of bed. I skipped breakfast this morning and instead packed a picnic lunch.

A friend picked us up and we headed to one of my favorite little beaches. We unrolled a huge wool blanket and laid it down on the rocks. We sat Indian-style while munching on a delicious lunch and enjoying each others company.

The sea breeze swept across our bodies, luring me towards the water. I kicked my sandals off, rolled up my jeans and waded in. The refreshing, salty water stung my legs; a sensation that I had been missing for months.

By the time we got home, the sun had gotten even hotter and put all of us in a trance. The four of us lay on the driveway, the black tar practically burning our backs and the bright sun keeping us from opening our eyes. I felt so content, perhaps the most content I had felt in weeks. In a brief moment of silence, I announced, "Life is SO good." There I was, lying on the ground, surrounded by friendship, laughter, happiness and sunshine--what's better than that?--and I realized, this is why I do it. This is why I have my bad days, so good days like today seem like a gift. If every day were wonderful, at some point I wouldn't consider them wonderful anymore. I recognize these special moments, both verbally and in writing, so when I hit a bump on the road of life (which I'm sure I'll do this coming week, maybe even tomorrow...) I can look back and say to myself, "You do have good days! You had a good day last Saturday! You'll have another one soon if you keep pushing through! Your life is so good!"

Tonight, I will go to bed feeling happy, lucky and oh so grateful for this precious life.

It's going.

I'm trying desperately not to let the weather this week ruin my mood. I haven't seen sunshine since Saturday but surprisingly I think I'm okay with that. I've enjoyed having a reason to wear rain boots to school and my thick Patagonia under a rain coat. And although I would love to be out taking in vitamin D and enjoying some warmth, it's been nice to relax indoors with a cup of tea and some soft music. The week has felt slow in some ways but we're already over the hump! Only two more days until another fun-filled weekend and I think I'll survive. Oh and a major plus this week? Seeing my brother with his girl. It is SO CUTE, I can barely take it!

Happy Wednesday and good job making it over the hump. Life is going.

Precious!

Today we picked my big brother up at college. The minute we got in the car my mom and I questioned him about his girlfriend. We wanted to know everything.

Mom: It sounds like you really like her, yeah?

Henry: Mom, I'm in love.

Mom: Honey, that's great. Do you say "I love you"?

Henry: Yeah, all the time.

Sitting in the back seat of the car, I studied his angular, scratchy and unshaven face, the face I haven't seen since Christmas. I missed his subtle, dry humor and his deep caveman voice more than I had thought. And it absolutely melted my heart to hear my big brother say that he is in love.

Together.

I went to the grocery store yesterday. We go quite often but this time we were only there so my mom could pick up some medication. We stood in line at the pharmacy. The adorable man in front of us, who must have been in his late 80's or 90's, was cracking jokes with the cashier. He reminded me of my grandfather; still trying to grasp those last few moments of independence.

The lady behind us tapped one foot repetitively, clearly in a hurry, muttering words to herself under her breath. I started casually conversing with my mom, discussing our current health care situation. Although completely serious, I said in a joking tone that I'd better get a check-up in with my doctor before we no longer have health care in a few months. My mom made some remark about my father but what struck me is the response that the woman standing behind us had. She chimed in instantly saying, "I'm in the same boat. My daughter doesn't have health insurance. I just lost my job. I'm back in school. I feel like such a let down." She then went on to tell us about how her daughter was graduating that night.

For a moment, I didn't feel so sad. That may seem weird considering this complete stranger had just shared a glimpse of her struggles. But the truth is, I suddenly no longer felt alone. I realized that it is not just me and my family enduring hard times. We are among millions suffering, but it's easy to forget that until you hear it straight from a stranger at the grocery store. So thank you, stranger, for reminding me that we're all in this together and that we must focus on the joys in life because that's what life is all about.

“Nobody has it easy, everybody has problems. You don’t know what they go through. Nobody is perfect, nobody deserves to be perfect. So before you start judging, criticizing, or mocking, remember everybody is fighting their own war.”— Unknown

Missin' my girl.